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CONSENSUAL EXPLOITATION: Why Every Stripper Needs a #ManServant

Jacq

 Usually I don’t give a shit about start-ups. Does anyone? But late last night, my colleague Jameson sent me the most amazing porn of my life:

 

 

I’ve had a male stripper dance for me. It was pretty fun. He poured massage oil into my hands and insisted I rub it down his washboard stomach. I obliged with a squeal.

 

But I don’t think I’d be a repeat customer. Men, on the other hand, always come back for more lap dances. I have regulars who have been seeing me for what feels like eons just to have me dangle my tits in front of their face. Hundreds of dollars - from his pocket to mine - for dangling titties.

 

PREPOSTEROUS!

 

But now there is FINALLY a service that is fantasy men for hire! They are called ManServants, and I want SEVEN.

 

I will accept no fewer than SEVEN.

 

The only qualm I have with this video is that men are shit at taking selfies. The only person who can adequately photograph my unparalleled selfie beauty is ME.

 

I stayed up all night jotting down a wish list. But I’m a pretty independent woman, so at first I had a hard time thinking of what I would want from a man at my every beck and call.

 

As a professional fantasy girl, I considered the most common things men have asked of me:

 

Can you please help me find my wallet?

Can you please help me find my wallet?

Will you bend over?

Can you please help me find my wallet?

Would you mind getting me a Heineken? Oh you're not a waitress? Could you get one for me?

Could you dance for my buddy and tell me if you think he's gay?

Can you please help me find my wallet?

 

If I had a ManServant, I would first make him go to the post office for me. As you know, I fucking hate the post office.

 

Other things I hate doing are replacing trash can liners, searching for the cheapest and most direct flight to anywhere, and going to the goddamn post office.

 

So my ManServant would do the aforementioned things for me.

 

He would also refill my freshly squeezed grapefruit juice.

Build me a closet, please, ManServant

Massage my everything, all the time, ManServant

Will you hand wash my g-strings, ManServant?

 

After Jameson tells me her list of demands: (Tell me jokes and clean my bathroom) she texts me the following:

“In the ManServants code of conduct it says, “A ManServant keeps his penis in his pants and out of the lady’s face.” → LOL AS IF THAT WILL HAPPEN"

 

Everyone knows that sex is verboten, but sometimes there is a connection and sometimes a woman’s pussy needs servicing. And sometimes women want to exploit men for the sum of their parts because we are vindictive goddesses.

 

If I had a ManServant, I’d be like “Show me your penis. Good boy. Now put it away and bring me a Diet Coke.”

 

 

He would also sprinkle rose petals over me at random intervals.