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The day started off with a bag of Cheetos and a case of grape soda. We were waiting for the pool boy to show up to get our jacuzzis turnt, 

but he never showed. 

Valerie was so enthralled with her new calorie-free, gluten-free diet that she forgot to pick up the kids at daycare. 

Instead of picking them up, we let child services do the job for us. Then we settled into the sofa, popped open a box of Pinot Grigio, and embarked on the best game of all time:

Did you know that Showgirls is 2 hours and 11 minutes of brilliant truth-telling?

Happily tanked, we made a pledge to watch Magic Mike the following day.