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The Amazon Wish List

Jacq

If you've ever wanted to participate in producing content for my blog, now's your chance!

Since I'll never disclose the whereabouts of my hustle, you can provide good book and blog fodder by doing what civilians have been doing for goddesses since the dawn of time:

Send gifts. 

I've been at the dry humping game for over five years. It's almost embarrassing that I've yet to create an Amazon Wish List. Every colleague of mine has one. In recent years, it's been deemed a little bit controversial, because Amazon (like most people, companies and American entities) is terrified of being associated with the billion-dollar industry of adult entertainment (which I find kind of ironic, since I usually feel like I'm pandering to toddlers). So in case I need to disclose this now, I will not be fucking you if you buy me a Showgirls poster. I will, however, love you forever. 

Alas, the day has come: THE OFF DUTY RIPPER WISHLIST. 

You may notice that I haven't listed any micro-dresses with sequins and cut-outs, fake lashes, or self-tanner. That's because I have enough lycra g-strings to have chronic yeast infections for the rest of my natural born life. 

My true wish is for down-time decadence. Because strippers are humans, and we crave human experiences like napping, peeing standing up, and being swaddled in animal print. And don't forget Nutella. We always need Nutella. 

And I really want to tell y'all about peeing standing up! 

For every gift there will be a blog post.

So, if you're inspired, click here.